Excerpts from a letter I don't want to rewrite:

I've been thinking too much recently. Being away and living my life in my village is easier in some ways when I disconnect myself from home. I feel scattered sometimes. I haven't asked myself any "what ifs"... what if I had not decided to be here last June... but, I do imagine how my life would be if I were to return. I see that one of my partners needs me as an example and that the kids love having me in the village. I realize that I'm giving a lot, and in selfish ways I want proof of what I am gaining. Patience, the ability to let go, ability to control my emotions. What are the limits for how much I can grow? When am I done? Are we ever done with anything? When do we know?
We taught about nutrition this week and I had the kids write menius for one day of the week. I checked what the kids had written at the beginning of class. Many of the kids skip meals listing only juice for dinner or eat only oatmeal or cookies. It's not like I should be surprised as this is the reality of where I am. Most of the kids are dirty and their clothes are dirty, too. I think it's just anger at the injustice of it all. I have so much good and healthy food in my casa mica in the village. I've eatten well my entire life. Why me?

I've found that I can't deal with working with my partner for another year and a half if I let myself become angry at her. The anger will eat me alive. She yelled at a 5th grade boy in class the other day because she was telling him to write the homework and he literally couldn't. He can't form letters. She told him in front of everyone that he's stupid and belongs at the mental hospital near our village. She told me today that his parents are alcoholics and again that he doesn't belong in our school. I've had so much anger towards her that sometimes I just want to scream. I've considered turning and walking out of the classroom many days. Walk and walk and walk until I reach a paved road. I can't make her my enemy because I see her every single day... and probably will see her every single day of my life in Pepeni. It's so hard for me to separate the things she says from how I see her as my partner. Someone I still need to treat with respect, encourage, and motivate.