I did a massive clean out at my house this weekend and it feels great. I was going to have a few guests come to stay this weekend, but they ended up not being able to come (a last minute PC-scheduled meeting). I feel a little bummed no one could come, but it was good at least in motivating me to wash my floors, shake out my rugs, wash sheets, clothes, and everything in my kitchen. It usually seems to take at least 2 full days to clean my house. I don't know how it happens, but after a few days everything always seems to be covered in a layer of "praf" (dust or dirt). At some point I'll probably need to take the pad I sleep on outside to beat it. I'm glad I bought new pillows last year (non-feather) bc the ones the family left for me have some much dust I couldn't get the dirt to stop coming out of them no matter how long I beat them. I don't think that would have been very good for the respiratory system.
I've been feeling really positive about my two years here, but for some reason today I'm having a bout of irritability. Sometimes I get annoyed at where I live and the distance it is from the main road making it hard for other volunteers to visit me (or makes them less likely to want to come here). I realize I shouldn't take it personally if I rarely have friends try to come here to hang out, but I sometimes have these spells where I feel pissed off at my village location. My Moldovan colleagues here are amazing, the house I live in is super comfortable--especially now that it's not WINTER:)--and the people I'm renting the house from are also very kind people. Another major plus is that it only takes an hour and a half for me to get to the capital by bus. At least one volunteer is situated 5-6 hours away. So I have to remind myself sometimes that things could be a lot more frustrating. I have to remind myself that next year I will be living in a house where I will be able to have visitors more than once every 4 months because I will be living in a place where friends can't use "I don't want to hitchhike" as an excuse to not visit. You'll have to actually tell me that you don't like me or else you don't have a good reason :). I have to give a MAJAH shout-out to Alee for hitchhiking with me into my village this past winter when the only direct bus to my village from Chisinau was full. She didn't complain even though the whole situation must look sketchy as all get out to someone who isn't used to even being in Moldova.
Another thing on my mind that I find irritating--since I'm using this time to vent a little--is being called a "girl" or "little girl". I'm tired of people not thinking of me as an adult/woman. Typically my male volunteer friends (though not always the case) will be called "men", but most female volunteers I know (unless they are married) are introduced as being a "girl". I've been called a "kid" by at least one adult working at the school and many men have called me "little girl". At my last club meeting my partner told the kids that it was so nice for her, a "woman" from Moldova to meet a "girl" from America. She's maybe 33 years old while I'm 25 so I don't see as being a huge age difference. Her 14 year old daughter then later made a comment that if our club group does a BBQ before I leave, she wishes her mother to not attend because she thinks it would be more fun "without adults". Last time I checked, I'm also an adult. Anyway, I'm pretty much ready to be treated as an adult again independent of whether or not I have a husband. Side information: Moldovan females who have previously been married (widowed, divorced) are still "women"... because they have assumedly consummated their marriage. I suppose at this point in my post I should restate that my viewpoints do NOT represent the views of the US Peace Corps or US Govt... and my viewpoints and experiences are not representative of all Moldovan people and Moldovan culture.
I guess the point of me writing this blurb on self-identity and adulthood is to give friends and family at home the heads up that when I'm readjusting, you might find me less receptive to unrequested advice than I might have been in the past. I can't remember how I received unrequested advice in the past, but I would guess that I was a less confident person and thus more likely to listen with my mouth closed. I realize that when my friends and family give me advice on how to live my life they are coming from good, well-intended places, but after some of the experiences I have been through these past two years you might find me less warm toward your ideas. If I want your opinion on how I should live my life or how I should handle readjustment to the United States, I will be sure to clearly and directly ask you for your opinion. I know that I am currently the most capable and confident that I have ever been in making personal decisions and I am currently (and will continue) seeking space and freedom to exercise my right to feel like a grown woman and make decisions without the unrequested input of others. I hope that I will treat each of you the same way. I hope that I will never make anyone feel as if they are younger or less experienced that I am. I also hope that I'm not being too harsh with my rant on this, but I thought since I have already identified this major change in myself I would like to share it with everyone as it might change how I interact with you. If I ever make the mistake of treating anyone else this way--telling you how to live your life, or if I'm kind of cold or a general pain in the ass--you should call me out. (I might be a bit colder than I used to be, too, but maybe I'll write more on that one later). Self-analysis might get a little exhausting so I might let it go and have you form your own opinions about me. People like forming their own opinions, anyway. I know I do.
I guess that's about it on that subject.
This coming week should be fun... Tomorrow night I will go to one of my colleagues villages to help him with a week-long sports camp for the village kids. We'll play frisbee, softball, kickball, and I'm hoping soccer. By the way, if anyone knows where I could stream World Cup matches from the internet, hook me up! I'm pretty excited about the games starting and have been getting a bit of coverage on BBC radio. I bet I could find a radio station where I could at least get audio.
On the 11th of June I will be celebrating 2 years in Moldova! I will be going back to the Nistru river where we had our 1 year party. It should be a really fun night with BBQ and swimming.
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